I Run a Virtual Community for People with Mental Illnesses and Those Who are Struggling: Here’s What I’ve Learned So Far

“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” – Maya Angelou

Introduction: The Beginning of Safe Space

Choosing to own and operate a space for the struggling and mentally ill was an easy decision. Life throws many curveballs (one may say too many curveballs at times), and it’s vital to have a support group for when the going gets tough. Sadly, a primary support group is something a truly depressing number of people lack. Many people are too shy to talk about their problems with family and friends. Many people feel a sense of shame for needing help and ultimately choose to suffer in silence. But one of the best things about the internet is anonymity. Being able to vent your heart out and discuss your most profound thoughts without anyone knowing who you are is undoubtedly one of the primary allures of online communities like my own and others like it.

The drive to help others and knowing how valuable online anonymity is to people who are struggling were some of the major driving forces that led me to create Safe Space on Quora, a central social media platform for asking questions and building communities around specific topics (similar to Reddit but a little more question oriented). It would be a lie if I said the idea to operate my own space on Quora was my idea… it wasn’t. I’ve been active on Quora for several years now, and it paid off on multiple occasions. I was first offered a spot on Quora’s Partner Program, which eventually led to me getting an offer to be one of the first paid Space owners. I took this opportunity to create a space dedicated to venting and seeking advice related to life and mental health. Not just because I wanted to help others, but I needed help from others. It started on a selfish note, but I quickly realized that helping others was indeed one of the best ways to help yourself. And thus, Safe Space was born.

I never expected Safe Space to gain more than a few dozen followers, and while I still don’t have millions of followers even now, Safe Space still blew up way more than I expected it. When I first began Safe Space, it gained hundreds of new followers every week, then eventually hundreds every day. It was honestly mind-boggling seeing a space I created on a whim for myself growing so fast. It still blows my mind thinking about it today. Safe Space currently has around 200k+ followers, but it continues to grow. I even created a Safe Space Discord server for people who need immediate advice or who want to connect with caring individuals. I’ve met some of my very best friends through the Discord server (and plenty of interesting characters).

One of the first concepts for a Safe Space logo. I drew inspiration from images I found on Google and Psych2Go.

I’ve had my fair share of experiences in the nearly three years owning Safe Space; between family drama, friendship troubles, rocky and toxic relationships, body image issues, and even suicidal ideation. Talking to someone you don’t even know down from the ledge is a heavy experience. I have such respect for suicide hotline workers. I don’t know if I could handle that kind of experience daily. Such profound experiences, and even the smaller experiences, definitely teach you things about people, life, and even yourself. Here are five things I’ve learned from operating a virtual mental health community:

1.) I’ve Learned to Be Careful What I Say

I’ve always tried to be careful how I word things to make sure I don’t hurt anyone’s feelings, but operating Safe Space has shown me how much a simple, poorly chosen word can affect someone in a vulnerable state of mind. Feeling like you’re walking on an emotional mind field is never fun, but once you get the person to calm down, things do get easier. Most people see how much effort you’re putting into not hurting them just by simply choosing your words wisely. Just remember: sticks and stones break bones, but hurtful remarks leave long-lasting scars you can’t see.

2.) I’ve Learned When to Stop Trying to Help Someone (kind of)

I’m a very caring person, which can be a blessing and a curse. One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is when to stop trying to help someone. You may be thinking, “wait, isn’t the point of Safe Space to help people?”. Yes, it is. But there’s a sad amount of people out there that can’t be helped right now. So many people have the idea that others can “fix” them when in reality, the only person who can fix you is yourself. Yes, you can and should get help from others when you’re struggling or don’t know where to go, but you ultimately need to be the one to fix yourself. Acknowledging you need help is the first step, but you have to put in continuous effort after that to see a meaningful, long-lasting change. No one can put in that effort for you. Despite knowing all this, I still struggle with walking away when I know someone needs help but won’t admit it or won’t put in the effort to change. Eventually, though, I have no choice. I have to look out for my mental health too.

3.) I’ve Learned How Diverse People’s Reactions Can Be

As a college student in school for psychology (specifically to be a therapist, who would’ve guessed it), this is a beneficial experience. It may not be an essential lesson for everyone, but being aware of how people’s personalities and past traumas can affect their decisions and reactions in the present day is something I feel most people should learn. Knowing how to calm someone down or knowing when someone needs help even if they don’t verbally express it is critical social skills. It not only helps create lasting bonds, but it can even teach you some things about how you function and react to things. The minds of us humans, especially those of us under significant stress or who have mental disorders, are incredibly complex in how we process and respond to our environments and new experiences. Sometimes our responses may not make perfect sense, but we’re all flawed creations. We can’t expect perfection when perfection doesn’t exist.

4.) I’ve Learned to Have Empathy Even in Tough Situations

Having a sense of empathy and compassion for your fellow man (or woman) is something I’ve seen lacking in people time and time again, Including in myself sometimes. Sometimes it’s genuinely hard to understand why someone is so upset or bothered by something, and that’s okay. We all have different priorities and frustrations. Chances are, we all have stresses, frustrations, quirks, and weird fears that seem silly to someone else. Just because we don’t understand why something is upsetting someone doesn’t mean we should treat their problems and frustrations as any less valid.

5.) I’ve Learned to Give People a Chance

This is undoubtedly the biggest (and best) lesson I’ve learned thus far. Some of my very best (and most loyal) friends are weirdos who have been shunned from society (or at the very least criticized) because they’re simply different. Some mental illnesses indeed make it hard to be friends with someone or maintain any other form of relationship with them, but disorders that severe aren’t very common, thankfully. Some of the people I’ve met in the Discord server and on Quora are a little odd due to their eccentric social styles, but in the end, they ended up being very good people whom I’m glad to have met. Being able to broaden my mind towards new kinds of people is one of the biggest things I’m grateful to have learned.

In Conclusion

I’m sure I don’t need to say it, but I will: Despite the hard-to-handle problems people come to me with, I’d never wish for anything else. Safe Space hasn’t only given me the privilege to help others and leaves my mark on a little part of the internet. It’s helped me grow as a person. Safe Space is what saved me.